Random Blog

To be honest, I’m not really sure what the hell I am doing right now. Seriously, I’m not. There’s a thousand – or not – other things I could  be doing right now. I could be writing the script for my film, I could be writing that Jeff the Killer fan novel (because almost all of my fanfictions end up being over 20 chapters), or I could be drawing right now. Hell, I could even be watching My Little Pony right now.

And yet, even though I have that “fabulous” list of things I could be doing, I still lack the inspiration to do any of them.

Generally, in these downtimes of “omfg what the flying frack am I doing with my life”, I get on Tumblr, stalk various people, reblog crap like crazy, or just sit there and laugh. However, I have reached the hourly/daily/weekly reblog limit.

….

WHAT THE HELL AM I EXPECTED DO WITH MY LIFE NOW?!?!

I am having a mental breakdown. I don’t know what the hell to do with myself. How will I ever live on? I can’t look at my iPod without immediately touching the Tumblr icon or playing some Japanese dating sim, what am I expected to do? Just sit there and listen to music?! Go watch something on Netflix? Surf the internet? Look at Goth clothes and My Little Pony gear? Read creepypasta? What. Do. You. Expect. Me. To. Do?

Go outside? I do that a lot, actually. To tell the truth, I could probably outrun every member of my family and then some.

Make friends? The last friend I made treated me like crap when I was worried about him and then never talked to me again. I am done with friendships.

Read? All my books are packed with the rest of my belongings, prepared for the move, and my iPod is filled with dating sims apps and music, thus, I can’t – nor do I feel like – downloading the Kindle app.

So, smart guy, what other suggestions have you for me? None?

Good.

Anyway, there really is no point for this blog post. It is random and pointless; it is just me looking for something to talk about in the midst of having nothing to talk about. It’s like a double-edged sword of stupidity, a Wii without a remote, A Playstation without a TV pluggy-inny-thingy, A doll without a body, a pencil without led (which is basically a really sharp, splintering stake, when you think about it), or a bra without breasts. It serves no purpose and gives no fulfillment or pleasure to it’s user. It’s nothing.

Did I lose you yet?

No?

Good, very, very good…

But, even then, everything has a purpose.Whether you want to kill yourself and buddy with that double-edged sword of stupidity, follow the dancers on the screen in Just Dance but not earn any points (or just bang the Wii over your head like a caveman looking for fire, yelling “GIMME DAT REMOTE, WII! Y U NO GIVE ME DAT REMOTE?!?!”), pretend your making a slutty-devil chick in SR4′s Inauguration Station, turn a doll’s head into a pencil sharpener, which you can then use to sharped your concealed pencil-weapon(!), or you could always put the bra over your own moobs and fondle them, imagining that hot chick from that Emo blog who is probably fourteen. What I mean to say is that not everything is pointless and without purpose. Everything has a purpose. Whether it’s that annoying spotted bulldog that always takes a piss on your Dad’s lawn, or that creepy lady who hangs out at the walmart and stares at your “junk” as you walk her by, everything has a purpose.

This blog post has a purpose.

Do you know what it’s purpose was?

It’s purpose was to make you read it, and to you make you witness that horrible picture of a hairy Asian man in a teenage girl’s bra (how he got that, I really don’t want to know).

So, this blog post has acheived it’s purpose, it’s focus in life, and now it must go into crystal-stasis for the next 500 years before awakening to a world where there is thirteen days left to live and THE CUTIE YOU SHIPPED IT WITH WILL BE FOURTEEN-FRACKING-YEARS OLD AGAIN BECAUSE IT’S GOD-FRACKING STUPID CREATOR DECIDED THAT WAS A GOD-FRACKING GOOD IDEA WHEN IT SURE AS FRACKING HELL WAS. NOT.

*runs away crying*

Fangirl Thought-Fuel – A Playlist for All of Your Fangirly Needs!

Hello, everyone! I am here today to give you a list of songs that are PERFECT fuel for fangirl thoughts. Want to fantasize about danisnotonfire in the back of a quiet and lonely car or need some music to get inspired for that Mary-Sue OC x Canon/YouTuber fanfic that has been floating around that sorry little head of yours?

Well then, you have come to the right place, m’dear!

(Do take note that this is only the sort lovey-dovey music I listen to, if you have any suggestions, please say so in the comments and they will be added to the list if I feel they fit with the theme!)

Here I wil display a list of songs that will feed your inner-fangirl more than is probably healthy! Let’s get started!

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  1. Fallin’ – Alicia Keys
  2. Dirty Little Secret – All-American Rejects
  3. Take Me Away – Avril Lavigne
  4. Fall to Pieces – Avril Lavigne
  5. Should Be Loved – Blue October
  6. Congratulations – Blue October
  7. 9 Crimes – Damien Rice
  8. Armies of Your Heart – Elizaveta
  9. Lights (Single Version) – Ellie Goulding
  10. Hi Lo – I Am Dynamite
  11. My Fault – Imagine Dragons
  12. Love Interruption – Jack White
  13. Teenage Dream – Katy Perry
  14. E.T. (For all of your Doctor Who x OC needs -_-) – Katy Perry
  15. Ho Hey – The Lumineers  —-  (This cover is also pretty good)
  16. Desperate Measures – Marianas Trench
  17. Haven’t Had Enough – Marianas Trench
  18. Stutter – Marianas Trench
  19. Gotta Be Somebody – Nickleback
  20. Don’t Know Why – Norah Jones
  21. Fly Me To The Moon – Oh No Fiasco
  22. The Constant – Oh No Fiasco
  23. Just Give Me a Reason (feat. Nate Ruess) – P!nk
  24. Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me – She & Him
  25. Somewhere to Hide – Shiny Toy Guns
  26. Crack The Shutters – Snow Patrol
  27. What If This Storm Ends – Snow Patrol
  28. Push Me To The Floor – The Parlotones
  29. Baby Be Mine – The Parlotones
  30. Lullaby – The Spill Canvas
  31. A Sorta Fairytale – Tori Amos
  32. You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away – Eddie Vedder cover
  33. Sacrilege – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
  34. El Tango De Roxanne – Moulin Rouge! Soundtrack (The only reason I recommended this one is because, whenever there is a pretty hard-core love triangle going on, this song feeds my feels…it makes no sense…)
  35. Your Song – Moulin Rouge! Soundtrack
  36. Lego House – Ed Sheeran
  37. Give Me Love – Ed Sheeran
  38. All I Want Is You – Barry Louis Polisar
  39. Sea of Love [Remastered Version] – CAt Power(?)
  40. I’m Sticking With You – Velvet Underground
  41. Anyone Else But You – The Moldy Peaches
  42. Everything Has Changed (feat. Ed Sheeran) – Taylor Swift

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And that’s it! If you have any suggestions, please leave them in the comments section and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can!

See ya’ll next time!

 

A State Called ‘Titanic’ – Flooding In Colorado

imageWe’ve all heard the disaster stories on the news of extreme forest fires in California, hurricanes in Florida, giant tornadoes in Oklahoma (to literally no one’s surprise), tsunamis attacking Japan, and flooding in various coastal areas due to the after effect of said natural disasters. But we ever so rarely hear about a little square state smack-in-the-middle of the U.S. called ‘Colorado’.

That is, up until recently.

As of late, Colorado has been one loud little bastard regarding disaster. From the shooting in Aurora to crazy forest fires up in the mountains, Colorado has had a lot to say. But, almost as quickly as the fame came, it faded. People began to forget about Colorado again, and boy-oh-boy did she have something to say about that.

For the past few days, it had been raining endlessly and I – being the weird little goth girl that I am – was enjoying it. Who doesn’t enjoy a bit of rain, anyway? It’s not like a few heavy downpours could cause any harm, right? Besides, Colorado has been dryer than the driest popcorn-fart out there, and every Colorado farmer was praying for rain as if his life depended on it. How could some rain seriously do any wrong? We did need it, after all.

However, just yesterday, my mom got up earlier than usual and almost immediately turned on the television, flipping the channel to the news after receiving a phone call from my grandmother stating that ‘Boulder was flooded’ and she ‘should look at the news’.

After I watched the utterly horrific newscast with my mother, my eyes couldn’t help but stare at the ticker tape below the news cast that was expressing growing flood advisories for every front-range county that was in the rather disastrous path of Boulder’s flood.

I spent the rest of the day completely unconcerned about it. What did I have to be afraid of? I live on a hill. The likelihood of something like that reaching me was slimmer than the Slenderman. However, as soon as both the little ones were in bed, my father turned on the television to yet another disturbing newscast. The whole front range was flooded, dams had collapsed, rivers had reached the breaking point, roads and bridges had snapped like twigs under the psychotic water pressure and chaos had snared it’s way into the once-but-briefly peaceful Coloradoan community. It was at that moment that I realized all of this water had to go somewhere, and that somewhere just happened to be my side of the state.

Granted, I haven’t been flooded yet – obviously, since I am sitting within my lovely and dry home blogging about the crap going on in other people’s lives – but that still doesn’t mean I wont be. Of course, there is the great distance of land and hills standing between me and several rivers of catastrophe, but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared. I’ve never been involved in an evacuation before, and let me tell you, I don’t intend to be. The idea of leaving everything I hold dear – my animals included – isn’t appealing, and the apocalyptic level of rain falling is even more unsettling to my psychosis. Some news websites are even saying it’s of ‘Biblical Proportion’. I can only imagine how many religious end-of-the-world gurus are up on their feet jumping up and down, pointing at all of us scientific people with their tongues sticking out, taunting us like children. Not to say that ALL religious gurus are like that, but I’m sure a great deal of them are thinking it’s the end of the world, or it’s Noah’s Flood all over again.

Apparently, even the Big Thompson River that flooded back in 1976 – taking the lives of 143 people, 5 of which have never been found – is also overflowing and could result in a larger disaster than I think Colorado is capable of tackling.

This is a big deal, and it’s only just begun.

I honestly don’t want to be living in a state that just randomly goes *poof* underwater, and people decided to ironically rename it ‘Titanic’.

It’s not funny, guys.

Okay, maybe it is a little funny, but still.

Flood advisories were released for my town and the very moment I saw that, my stomach began to churn. But even then, I still sent a text message to my dear friend, Noah, asking him: Dude, are ya done with that ark yet? We might need it! XD

He didn’t respond for several hours and I was afraid I had offended him. However my father said that he just wasn’t responding because he was busy “hammering away”.

I eventually became worried, wondering if there had been an evacuation ordered for our town and that he was actually high-tailing it outta there, but there hadn’t been and he did respond to me after awhile, clearly humored by my statement.

All of that aside, my true reason for bringing all of this up is to merely make fun of it, and make some not-so classy jokes whilst doing so.

So, grab a cup of coffee, sit down, get awkward, and prepare for some pretty “dam” (hurhurhurhurhur) dorky jokes about the current situation.

According to my parents, if the flood does actually reach us, we’ll be stranded here. Yes, you heard me, fricking stranded. That doesn’t sound fun. I mean, when I was little, I used to play around my house and pretend that I was on a deserted island (looking utterly insane to the neighbors) and had to find a way to survive in the “dire” circumstances, but never once in an effing blue moon did I actually want that! The idea of waking up one morning on an island with no way in or out – stuck with my family that I hate half the time – without any resources really isn’t appealing.

Of course, it wouldn’t be so bad if I was stranded with a certain blonde curly-haired cosplayer for several days. We could have some fun, if ya get ma drift. Hurdihurhurhur.

I am a heinously repulsive human being.

In all of this chaos, I’ve started to think that maybe people are taking the term ‘Head for the hills’ very literally. All day long, I’ve watched car after car go by, headed for the rather hilly plains. Maybe that’s what flood sirens sound like. “*WWWWWOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW* HEAD FOR THE HILLS!! HEAD FOR THE HILLS! HEAD FOR THE MOTHER FRICKIN’ HILLS!! THE WATER IS COMING!! THE WATER IS COMING!!”

THE FIRE NATION IS COMING! THE FIRE NATION IS COMING!

Sorry, I had to.

After my father showed me all of the images of failing dams across Colorado, I silently said to myself, “I bet the company that built that is dam torn apart!”

When my sister said that there were actual boulders rolling down the stream in Boulder, I said, “Looks like Boulder is full of rolling stones!

When I saw that some bridges had collapsed, I exclaimed, “Guess those bridges were feeling a bit under the water today! Ha ha ha ha!”

No one thought that was funny.

When I saw a bunch of life guards on life boats, floating about grabbing people, I stated, “When this is all over, everyone will be glad that they’re a float!”

“That one didn’t even make any sense!”

“SHUT YOUR MOUTH, BIATCH!! Can’t you see I’m trying to make a funny here?!?!”

Well, that’s all for now! See you lot next time!

BYE~!

*and cue music*

Images courtesy of CNN and CBS.

LINKS:

Tumblr

DeviantART

Fan Fiction

Things I Hate (A Fan Fiction Related Post)

Ah, what a cliched post. Most bloggers make a list of things they hate, which usually revolve around Emo girls wearing Nirvana t-shirts and idiots on the road. However, I am not that petty. You likely won’t see me writing a post about the people who annoy me on the road (especially since I can’t actually drive yet), simultaneously publishing their license plates to serial killers, or about Emos wearing Nirvana t-shirts when they don’t even know what Nirvana is. Instead, you’ll see me ranting about the disappointment that is my life, or, in this case, the things that I hate about fan fiction.

Now then, while I don’t expect everyone to agree with my opinion, and I guess a lot of people won’t, I can’t hold it all in anymore. I must share this and hopefully clean up the world of Fan Fiction.

1. Mary Sues.

I’m pretty sure almost everyone is familiar with the term ‘Mary Sue’. In case not everyone is, I’ll take a brief moment to describe it.

Mary Sue is a character that appeared in the sixties (I think) in a Star Trek fan fiction. Apparently, she was completely and totally perfect in every way, shape and form, thus getting on the readers’ nerves A LOT. She will often resemble the author in some way or be so insanely PERFECT she’s like a slap in the face. Explanation over.

I, being a rather devoted fan of Jeff the Killer, tend to enjoy reading fan fiction about him. Wait, scratch that, I did enjoy fan fiction about the lovely serial killer up until I started noticing how almost every fan fiction is either ‘Reader x Jeff’ or ‘Jeff x OC (who is secretly me, shh)’. While I don’t really mind imagining yourself as a character in the world of creepypasta, or anything for that matter, when you post it on the internet is when it gets just a little bit weird. The kind of fan fiction where it involves you as a character is what I would consider ‘Personal’ and shouldn’t really be read by the public. If you wanna write a fan fiction where your Mary Sue-self spends an entire chapter giving Spike (James Marsters) a blow job, keep it to yourself. Please.

2. Lack of Plot

I have read a decent amount of fan fiction where I keep on asking myself ‘Okay, what’s the plot?’ and I am pretty much DONE with that. I am a fan fiction writer myself and I would never say that my fan fiction’s plots are perfect, but at least they have one.

A lot of times, people consider something a plot that really isn’t. For example, a story about Dan and Phil where all they do is consistently screw each other on the kitchen table. THAT ISN’T A PLOT, GUYS. That’s porn.

For example, and I apologize for what I just made up below.

Dan had been waiting for Phil to come into the kitchen for almost an hour. It was early in the morning, the air was still cold, and Dan could already feel the sexual tension building up. Phil would be coming any moment now and, once he was in the kitchen, they could finally screw each other like they had yesterday and the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that, and the day before that when they had butt-sex in the Star Bucks bathroom after closing hour…

And so on. Two characters screwing each other with no romance or moral/immoral meaning behind it isn’t a plot. That’s porn, as I said before.

I can’t deny that I have written a few racy moments in fan fiction or had a fan fiction where the plot actually thickens around those sexual scenes, but that doesn’t mean that those moments are the “plot”, they just push it along.

3. Early Undeveloped Sex

Holy crap! It’s only chapter five and they’re already humping on the living room carpet?!

I hate, out of just about EVERYTHING ELSE, when there is no romantic build up to a sex scene, or even a kiss for that matter, in fan fiction. I think teasing, flirting, and little romantic moments need to come first. Sure, someone could have an erotic dream about the object of their affections, but that doesn’t mean they need to have sex right after that. It’s repulsive, honestly. I don’t mean to crush anyone’s outdrawn sexcapade, but really, you guys? It’s just…wrong…

I have read a decent amount of fan fiction where two characters are already screwing in chapter one, not five, and that’s even worse.

Gillian’s Fan Fiction Rule #1: Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, should be having sex until after at least 10 chapters worth of romantic buildup. An erotic dream before that is okay, as long as it’s not fully descriptive and is cut off early in the sexual process.

An undeveloped sex scene can seriously scare off readers, even to the point of where they stop reading your work since they are so afraid they might read “that” again. It’s not totally unhealthy to occasionally walk the line between art and porn, but that doesn’t mean it should happen right away. A really good example of gratuitous sex is The Skin Ficwhich I have so kindly linked you to.

4. First-Person Perspective.

You aren’t Snow Villiers, so why are you writing like you are?

This is really more of a personal preference as opposed to something I hate, but I still thought it was worth mentioning. I understand how perhaps this could give the reader more depth with the character but, for me, I just see it as a massive pain in the arse. I almost always write my fan fiction in Third-Person past tense. While I love present tense, it really only works for First-Person writings and, in my case, preferably original.

After I became familiar with the Mary-Sue epidemic, I became truly disappointed with the first-person form in fan fiction. It made just about every character a Mary-Sue, thus it really started to turn me off. Whenever I open up a fan fiction and it’s in first person, I more than often click the back button after the first chapter. I know there is a great deal of people who would indulge in disagreeing with me, but I have to say it: it seems unprofessional when in fan fiction.

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And that pretty much sums it all up! I know I probably pissed a few people off and if you write a comment saying ‘F*ck you and your opinion’, I won’t be offended, I’ll just see it as a sign of your low intelligence. :)

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If you’d like to read my fan fiction, please visit My Fanfiction.net Profile.

Paris Hilton – A Confession

Okay, as if I haven’t already made myself look bad enough, I actually kind of like Paris Hilton. This is another part of myself I really hate.

Don’t think I haven’t heard all of the gossip saying that she’s a total slut or some kind of free-loading b!tch, but ever since watching the first half ‘Repo! The Genetic Opera’, I kind of started to like her. She, honestly, is perfect for that part and I really think people should be nicer to her. She tried, guys, she tried. And I think she was impressive.

Now then, fa-la-la off to reputation hell I go! (notice the ‘FA-LA-LA’ in ‘Repo!’ and in ‘The Devil’s Carnival’?)

My liking of Ms. Hilton didn’t just start there, no, no, I was about 8 or 9 (maybe even 10) when I actually found out who she was. I know, what rock was I living under, right? Possibly a very nice one, like a 5-Star rock. Like a grand-hotel to the Flintstones.

So then, readers, sit back, grab a bag of baby carrots and let’s turn orange together as I tell you the unfortunate tale of where all this began.

- One day in the summer, several years ago (I’m not going to tell the actual year because someone reading this could be a creepster).

I was on the Sims 3 website searching the Exchange when I found a certain simmer who’s name was ‘LadyFrontBum’. And I, being the pervert that I am, clicked on her name thinking it was going to be another one of those unmarried middle-aged creators who spent their days lavishly creating erotic sims whilst answering questions on Cha-Cha to make a few bucks on the side of their high-paying internet job for entertainment. That was a bit long. Instead, I found a simmer who makes sims of video game characters, celebrities and OCs. It was interesting, might I add, that I came across Paris Hilton and had to immediately look her up. I had heard the name before and someone told me that she’s ‘like a human barbie’ (nowadays when someone says that, I think of Valeria Lukyanova who is the only person that has attempted to look like Barbie and actually succeed…hell, she might be prettier than Barbie. That’s it, I’ve decided. Barbie Collector should now release a Valeria Lukyanova barbie.) which would, of course, interest any 8-year-old who has been collecting Barbies since she was 3. So, after that, I found Paris Hilton and was relatively uninterested. Aside from all the bad publicity, she didn’t sound like the greatest woman on the planet and I lost motivation quickly. I then forgot about her for a while before finding a Sim of her by LadyFrontBum.

-Present-

And, for a long time, I forgot about her again until I watched Terrance Zdunich and Darren Bousman’s ‘The Devil’s Carnival’, in which I then looked the duo’s previous work, ‘Repo! The Genetic Opera’.

And now, I am an unfortunate member of ‘Club Paris’…

Well, that’s an FML if I ever saw one.

Links -

Lady Frontbum’s Website

My (New) Sims 3 Account (needs a hell lot of updating)

Paris Hilton’s Official Website

Repo! The Genetic Opera ‘Amber Sweet’ Vanity Tribute by Jemzamia

Fantasizing

Do you ever just lay there in bed and think of all the things that could happen to you but never actually will? For example, running into Dan Howell at a Starbucks in London and sitting down to have a nice chat about Guild Wars 2. You know that the very thought of it is so absurd and unlikely yet you pray to God that it will happen anyway.

Regardless of how many times you wish it would happen, it is still never going to. Or, at least not unless you spend your entire day following him around the streets of London, hoping he’ll just sit down alone at a Starbucks and you can keep him company.

 

This act of late-night or alone-in-the-backseat-of-a-very-silent-car dreaming is known as ‘fantasizing’. Fantasizing is essentially what I just explained it to be: Dreaming about something that will probably never happen unless you stalk the person. Unfortunately, following the person around really just ruins the magic of it all. It’s not as rewarding to follow Dan Howell to the nearest Starbucks and deliberately sit down next to him as it is for the whole situation to magically unfold.

A fantasy that often crosses my mind is meeting The Doctor (from Doctor Who) and traveling back to 1997, smooching David Boreanaz, and walking away without even telling him my name. This fantasy, however, is more unlikely than the last, especially since it involves time travel (and the Doctor).

So, what I’m saying is that I have these a lot…and more than often they make no sense whatsoever. What really sucks about these is that when you find out how unlikely they really are, you feel pretty heartbroken. Being a teenager usually comes with having strange late-night or silent-car thoughts that you use really just to keep yourself entertained. Sometimes, however, someone can get way to involved and completely lose touch with reality. One example is when you have a dream about a certain short, blonde anime character showing up at your house because he is lost and falling in love with you and you then find yourself waiting outside on the porch of your house during a heavy rainfall for him to show up…not like that has ever happened to me…heh…

Well…this sure is awkward…

Yeah, I should just disappear now…bye.

 

Pick-Up Lines (And How To [Not] Use Them)

Ah, the pick-up line. Most of us have been victim to one or two (or 500 regarding porn if you’re Jessica Nigri or Hannah Wagner). I’ve been hit on a number of times, never actually in person however, in PlayStation Home and so, in honor of the girlfriend-less losers whose only interaction with a woman was when he hit on her hot goth avatar, I am making a list of pick-up lines (some mine, some not), responses, and how (not) to use them.

1. ‘You’re In My Eye’

You are winking incessantly at this very hot young man across the bar. He is looking at you curiously.

Hot Man – “Do you have something in your eye?”

You – “Only you!” You clap your hands together. “Kabang baby!”

Hot Man walks away.

-

2. “Did It Hurt When You…?”

A geeky, but attractive, young man comes up to you in the Barnes & Noble manga/comic book aisle. He sits by you. You look up from your rather interesting manga and ask, “Can I help you?”

Young man (with a blush) – “Did it hurt?”

You – “Did what hurt?”

Young Man – “Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?”

You stare at him.

You – “No, but I scraped a knee clawing my way up from Hell.”

Young Man – “That’s…wow.”

You – “I know.”

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3. (A PSH Favorite)

A customization-less avatar trying to be the Sexiest Man of The Year approaches your avatar.

Wannabe – “Hello.”

You – “Hi.”

Wannabe – “You’re pretty.”

You – “Uh…thanks.”

You already know where this is going but stick it out anyway.

Wannabe – “Friend me?”

You – “I really don’t know you…”

Wannabe – “Where are you from?”

You – “Hell.”

Wannabe – “F*ck you.”

You – “You wanna say that to Sony’s Security System?”

Wannabe runs away.

-

And that’s a wrap! The last one (Numero 3) was a personal experience of mine so do learn from my mistakes. Anyway, I hope that little RP tutorial will help you in future references of what to [not] say, no matter what role you’re playing.

Me? A pervert? You don’t say.

You could ask any one of my family members about my personality and what they’d likely say is – ‘Well, she’s a little crazy.’ What this has to do with being a pervert, I don’t know, but I just felt like saying it.

So, anyway, yesterday, I was watching DoNovAn (A.K.A D.n.a), an English detective show from 2003 that has Tom Conti and Ryan Cartwright in it, and during the episode before last (creatively named ‘Episode 4′), Mr. Cartwright’s character, Seth, was asked to get a bullet from a tank of freezing cold water.  How he did this has officially ruined my mental health. Sure, he could’ve taken the pointy-stick-thing his teacher was using and that same teacher’s gum, making a utensil worthy of bullet-getting, but instead, he stripped down to his Union Jack underpants and was ready to dive into the tank. Right, so imagine it: Ryan Cartwright at the age of 21-22 practically naked. Think about it for a minute. You’re probably thinking ‘Pasty-white-scrawny Englishman, what’s so sexy?’ Here’s what’s sexy: He had abs. While I don’t usually like my men very buff (or even with chest hair, for that matter), this…this was HOT. Yes, it was so hot, it required caps-lock. What probably made this so hot was the fact that I never expected him to have abs.

This was my expression:

Only I was fanning myself with ‘Salem’s Lot by Stephen King, not a romance novel like the ones my grandmother reads.

People tend to think that when I have these little moments of ‘OMG HOLY HOTNESS BATMAN ASDFGHJKL;’, it makes me another worthless fangirl. Well, that’s an incorrect (and might I say rude) assumption. I’m not a fangirl. I’m a pervert. Let’s just get that straight. Before I even thought of Ryan Cartwright as sexually appealing, I was amazed by his ability to act. He can go from being the cutest know-it-all on the planet (Vincent Nigel-Murray) to being a still-cute young man with high-functioning Autism (Gary Bell). That, my readers, is talent.

(Hey, I just watched you. And you’re almost twenty years older than me but here’s my number, so call me, maybe.)

So, back to why I am a pervert. As if that little rendition of ‘Call Me Maybe’ wasn’t enough.

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of her, but there’s a young lass on YouTube known as ‘MissHannahMinx’ who teaches Japanese while wearing very low cut shirts with the camera aimed down.

When I first started watching her, I was looking at one of AmazingPhil’s videos and in my ‘Recommended for You’ was her video about the word ‘pillow’ in Japanese and, being the pervert that I am, I clicked on it. My initial thought was : ‘Ooo, cute goth girl with big breasts speaking Japanese. Let’s watch!’ After watching a few of her videos (and staring at her breasts most of the time), I realized I should go back and see what else this young woman has done. So, after watching her first few videos, I got really sad. I was sad because this lovely young lady has a personality and could be funny but because of her gravity-defying breasts, no one will watch her if she doesn’t put on a skimpy outfit and jiggles about like a Hufflepuff (do Hufflepuffs jiggle?). I’d watch her even if she wasn’t wearing the bust-revealing tops. But, for now, OPPAI.

Minxy’s fans aren’t ‘Justified’, they’re ‘Breastified’.

You know those really perverted thoughts people tend to get whilst they are lying in bed late at night? Well, I have those a lot more than is probably healthy. I know that being a teenager means having raging hormones and ‘me gusta’-ing at the sight of Ryan Cartwright’s abs all day but, seriously, this is bad. The worst part is that I’ll let them just rage through my mind. It’s often where I’m thinking of relationships for my novels and then I get these intimacy scene ideas that just go on and on until I fall asleep. The greatest part is that I always wake up feeling ashamed. Karma’s a b!tch.

Perhaps you’ve heard of an anime/manga series called ‘Rosario + Vampire’ by Akihisa Ikeda. This manga is one of those shounens where there’s more than one panty-shot every page and there’s more than two women who are willing to duke it out as sexually as possible for the main character’s heart, regardless of age. One of the lasses who is willing to sexually duke it out for the main character’s heart is Yukari, who, in her first appearance, was 11 and was already saying how much she wanted to have a threesome with Tsukune (the lovable main character) and Moka (the ever-so-annoying-nowadays ‘main’ love interest whom he has been after for what…all of high school?).

I’d love to think that this was some sort of joke but, c’mon, it’s Japan. They have no morals anymore. I love how it used to be all ‘honor and morality’ and now it’s all ‘boobs and dakimakuras’. Granted, half my life and artistic talent wouldn’t even exist without the Japanese so I really can’t hate on some of their obsessions.

The whole point of this statement is that I have loved this series since I was 7-years-old. I first checked it out at my local library and fell in love, not just with the overwhelming amount of crotch-shots, but the characters as well. Since volume 5, I’ve been in love with Mizore (hence the username) which is what started my obsession with those who are obsessed, stalkers.

When I first heard that FUNimation (one of the best dubbing companies in the world) was going to be dubbing the anime in English, I just about had a heart attack. And then when I found out the English version was on Netflix…words cannot describe how insanely excited I was. The nest chance I get, I will have a whole marathon of R+V episodes. Oh yeah~!

Speaking of perverted animes, there is one that is quite notorious actually called ‘Queen’s Blade’. In this light-hentai, young female warriors battle in the annual Queen’s Blade for the crown. It’s sort of like a feminist Hunger Games, when you think about it. So, as female-liberating as it sounds, it’s essentially full of breasts, skimpy ‘armor’ that couldn’t protect a stick of butter even if it tried let alone a woman’s delicate form, and acid creatures who look like buxom-bunny ladies and squirt acid out of their nipples. Oh yes. Japan actually did that.

And here’s what’s funny, I watched almost all of season 1. Here’s what’s even funnier, I actually liked it. Aside from closing my eyes every fight scene, the characters are rather enjoyable and Nanael provides much needed comic relief. However, the first 10 episodes were not as bad as it eventually got. So, in reality, it actually got to be too much for me. I only stuck around to see who became Queen (I was rooting Menace and Tomoe on, honestly. She deserved her throne back, but I hated her scepter and Tomoe was the only proper lady) and to watch the visual style but, when I found out that there was a second season, I gave up. I know I can make as many excuses as I want for watching the series and nothing will change the fact that I actually watched it so I’m just going to stop talking about it.

Yes, I am a pervert. And, yes, I admit to it. I admit to the fact that Ryan Cartwright’s abs made me fan myself with a Stephen King book and that I watched Queen’s Blade. The moral you should’ve learned from this is: When starting a blog about yourself, post all of the bad stuff in a comedic and lighthearted way that it makes your readers know what to not expect of you. You’re not perfect, and neither are they, show them that.
Even when it means being a total weirdo, like me.